Attraction begins before you ever open your mouth or walk up to the girl. She starts deciding whether or not she likes you from the moment she first notices you based on your energy, your body language, and the way you carry yourself. These are all examples of nonverbal attraction triggers – things you do that trigger attraction other than the words you say.
Nonverbal attraction triggers include dominant body language and eye contact, a confident vibe, proper vocal tonality and more. Having dominant nonverbals triggers extreme attraction in women because it congruently indicates that you’re capable of protecting them. This feeling of safety is arousing to women, as they have a biological need for an alpha male who is capable of watching over and protecting them during pregnancy and motherhood. When you see how deeply ingrained this need is in a woman’s biology, it should come as no surprise that a woman can make a decision on your attractiveness based on your nonverbals alone!
As a beginner, the highest-leverage change you can make in your nonverbal attraction game is to work on presenting open, confident body language at all times. Simply standing up straight, keeping eye contact, and smiling is enough to begin to attract women. Also, be sure to keep your hands visible – it will make her feel more at ease in your presence. This type of body language also projects confidence and dominance. Once you nail proper body language, you can build attraction with a woman without even opening your mouth.
You can verbally build attraction through verbal breaks in rapport.
In order to understand breaking rapport, you first need to understand seeking rapport – the strategy that unattractive, low-status men use to try to get women to like them which includes chasing, self-censorship, and supplication. Seeking rapport is a huge turnoff to women because it exposes the man as being insecure, needy, and living in a state of scarcity with women. This is the type of guy that will get “friend-zoned” or ignored completely.
A high-status man, on the other hand, will actively break rapport. This single-handedly differentiates him from the rest of the herd and demonstrates that he’s a confident man who doesn’t need any particular woman because he’s living in a state of abundance. The type of man that can confidently and congruently break rapport is the type of man that women dream about and pursue.
There are many ways that you can verbally break rapport. Let’s focus on one type of rapport break for now: Teasing.
A tease is a playful jab where you imply something funny or “off” about the girl in a joking way. It spikes the energy of the conversation, and when done right, it should feel fun for both you and her. Teasing a girl is absolute gold for getting her attracted to you because it communicates that you’re a confident guy who doesn’t need anything from her.
Here are some examples of teasing:
- Giving her a funny nickname. For instance, if I meet a girl at the gym, I might start calling her Hercules.
- Making jokes about her being the type of girl that chases guys. For instance, if she’s checking out a guy in public (or even just looking at someone), I might say “You’re so thirsty! Stop looking so hard; he’s going to notice!” This could even work if the guy she’s looking at is an old man or very unattractive. In fact, it’s even funnier!
- Making jokes about her being overly sexual. For instance, if she touches me I might say “Woah there, slow down! I’m saving myself for marriage.”
Just keep in mind that all teases should be done in an obviously playful manner. You know you’re teasing properly when the girl laughs, teases you back, or just lights up in general.
However, if she gets offended or hurt by your tease, then you may want to dial back the intensity of your jabs and make it more clear through your body language and facial expressions that you’re just joking around.
Another way to spike attraction verbally is by being a challenge. Most guys don’t challenge hot women to be anything other than just hot. This shows a lack of experience, which indicates scarcity and is unattractive. A more seasoned man will tend to have higher standards for the women he dates. When you challenge a girl to provide more than just a pretty face and a nice body, you set yourself apart from the rest of the herd. We’ll dive deeper into this topic later in the article, in the section on qualification.